One of the struggles that I have as a photographer and small business owner is that sometimes I reach a point where I don’t know what to do. Often it’s when I have an overwhelmingly long project list or when I’m caught up with projects and can’t figure out what’s next.

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to when the feeling hits, although it seldom hits when I have exactly the right amount to work to feel like I’m doing stuff but not to feel overwhelmed.

I’m not sure if all artists or people feel something like this or if I suffer from a mild form of depression or anxiety attacks or maybe I’m bipolar. I don’t know. I just know that it hits, and when it does I suffer for a bit. I get exhausted.

When I’m near or in this state, even little things seemly can throw me further into the state of anxiety, such as a nonstop series of text messages from a group text. It just feels like one other thing to throw on the pile of stuff I have to do without knowing what to do with it. I know it’s not the text messages, and it is my internal reaction and underlying belief in a perfect state or desire for a perfect moment that drives it (or some mumbo jumbo like that) — instead I know I should just accept that nothing is perfect and nothing stays the same and it is the desire for that that causes the suffering. But knowing that, when I feel this way, seems to be meaningless.

It’s hard to be motivated to create when I have this feeling. Even when I know I’m out in a beautiful area, and I mentally know what I need to do to make an image, things fall apart and nothing seems to work.

When this hits, it extends beyond my feeling that I need to create. It moves into other aspects of my life, such as exercise. Suddenly, a bike ride or canoe paddle seems like an overwhelming amount of work. It always just seems like it isn’t what I need to be doing to move my business and artistic pursuit forward.

At some point when the amount of work becomes just right, everything seems to fall into place again and I can move forward, and I know what I need to do.

I don’t know if you feel like this sometimes, but if you do, know that you are not alone.

Anyway, the entire point of this post was supposed to be selling you on coming to one of my workshops in 2021, but I went off on a tangent and didn’t even write about what I was going to write about. I have space in many workshops — I’d assume they haven’t filled up like normal because of the pandemic. I’m really surprised that my Lake Superior Winter Photography Workshop hasn’t filled up. It’s outside and we follow a covid-19 preparedness plan. Lake Superior is a world-class photography destination in the winter. It’s my favorite time of year to photograph it. You should come.